Analyzing a Communication Situation
Communication is part of everyday life. It is not limited to adults or learned individuals. Babies communicate with their mothers as they cry when they are hungry, the mute use the sign language to express what they want to say, while the mentally disabled laugh when they are happy or excited. The forms of communication people use may vary but common elements are usually present. These include the message and the communicators or the participants who play the role of either the sender or receiver of the message. In the communication situation I had with my friend, these common features were present along with others namely, feedback, noise, context, and mutual agreementnegotiation. These elements affected the outcome of the conversation but through it all, the communicators still served as the key participants controlling communication factors to achieve understanding.
Summary of the Communication
The communication occurred in a caf one afternoon after classes. The meeting was arranged by my friend, Kang. I have been friends with him for two years now, and except for knowing him as a two-timer, I have always considered him a good friend. Kang arranged to see me that afternoon to ask a favor. He requested me to ask my friend who was his ex-girlfriend to allow him to see her again. He wanted me to act as the mediator to convince the girl that he has finally realized he was wrong for having another girl, and that he would make it up to her if she agreed to make up with him.
When Kang said these words, a lot of things came up to my mind. First, I felt he was not serious, and his bad experience with the other girl might have caused him to think this way. Second, thinking about his past action, I could not help but to feel bias towards him. I thought that having deceived my friend in the past, it would be easier for him to leave her again if she gave him another chance. Guys like him do not deserve a second chance. They need to feel that girls should be respected, and forgiving them is similar to tolerating their bad deeds. Guided by these thoughts, I felt mad at Kang for what he said but I tried to keep myself calm, and clarified his motives for thinking that way.
As the receiver of Kangs message, I felt the need to provide feedback. Feedback is the mirror of communication (Erven, n.d.). Providing feedback is very important in communication because it confirms receipt of the message, and verifies whether the message is completely understood. There are many forms of feedback. The simple arching of the brows in face-to-face communication, smiling, and nodding may all be considered forms of feedback. Keeping ones silence instead of retorting may sometimes be considered feedback, depending on the situation. In my case, I wanted to react right away to what Kang said but at the same time hesitated for I did not want to hurt his feelings. In order to play safe, I kept silent for a while, allowing Kang to express his thoughts.
He reasoned out that he was wrong for trying to find another girl, but felt sorry to find out that after all, he still loved his ex-girlfriend. He tried to forget her, knowing how mad he made her feel, but every time he met another girl, he just remembered and missed her more. Listening to Kang uttering these words convinced me he was serious, but it did not change my mind entirely. Nevertheless, I tried to make an agreement with him by proposing an option to befriend the girl, and take a step by step process. I explained to him that gaining ones trust is not easy especially if you have destroyed it once. Therefore, I suggested him to get to know her again, be friends, and finally take a chance to win her heart. Kang agreed to this proposition, and as we parted, I felt I had a good conversation with a friend. Somehow, the concepts I learned in school have helped me become a better communicator and friend.
Analysis
Several elements of communication are obvious in the situation. First, there are basic elements such as the communicators, which in this case are Kang and I. We both played as either the sender or receiver of the message, but since it was Kang who opened the conversation regarding the favor he would ask, we may consider him as the sender of the message while I, the receiver. Later, as we exchanged views, both of us alternately played the roles of the sender and the receiver. The main message was asking favor to win a girls heart, followed by several other messages relating to the first. Considering the exchange of information and the subsequent exchange of messages, the communication that transpired between me and my friend followed the transactional model. Likewise, as the communication ended up with a mutual agreement, it also suggests the model proposed by Kincaid (1979), also known as the Convergence Model of Communication.
Another element present in the communication situation was barrier or noise. Noise could come in different forms. It could be external, internal, or semantic noise. External noise otherwise known as physical noise includes physical illness or incapability and the noise we hear from the streets. In the sample communication situation, there was limited external noise considering the quiet ambience inside the caf. Likewise, both I and Kang were feeling alright that day so there were no physical barriers to communication. Also, since I and my friend have the same cultural background, there was little chance for semantic barriers to occur. Semantic noise refers to linguistic barriers or those that relate to the use of the language. Improper word choice, pronunciation and the inability to use a common language are among common semantic barriers to communication (Barriers to Interpersonal Communication, n.d.). However, due to opposing views regarding the present situation, the presence of internal or psychological noise could not be avoided.
When we communicate, we are greatly affected by our perceptions, experience and values. When these aspects contradict those of the other communicator, there is a big chance for psychological noise to occur. When I learned about Kangs plan, I wanted to cover my ears, and not utter a word. I almost said I did not want to hear any more of what he had to say but remembering the outcomes that linear communication can bring, I regained my interest and tried to decipher the truth in Kangs motives. I did not want to defeat the purpose of communication following a linear type of communication I opted for a transactional kind, something that gives importance to building connection between communicators, or a convergent kind, which involves negotiation between the participants.
Linear communication, as perceived by early communication specialists such as Shannon (1948) and Katz (1957), happens when the message from the sender is received by the recipient of the message but the latter does not provide a feedback. Authors of this model may have intentionally missed the importance of feedback due to earlier practices in mass media and autocratic systems such as the case of a terror boss to his subordinates who do not dare to question his decisions. In this type of communication process, the sender does not get a chance to know how the recipient feels about the message. The absence of feedback thus makes the communication incomplete. In the sample situation, when I heard about Kangs plan and felt too opposed to it, I was silenced for a while. On the one hand, I did not know how to react. On the other, my biases of him convinced me right away that he was not serious. These biases hindered me from understanding his point, and it almost caused me to fail to sympathize with my friend. My belief about male stereotypes added to my initial opposition. I always heard what people say that men are usually polygamous. Although I myself am not polygamous, seeing men like Kang convince me that the saying is quite true to some. Too bad, the friendship I shared with Kang did not do good to destroy such stereotypes.
Moreover, the context of the situation added to the internal noise I encountered. Remembering how Kang hurt Claire by having another girlfriend while they were still together, my view of the situation is affected by the past. Based on this, I realized the role that context plays in the process of communication. Context, which includes the communicators present knowledge, perceptions, beliefs and attitudes towards the situation (Ige, cited in Pfeffinger, 1999), has been adopted by modern communication specialists as one important element of the communication process. Context has been added to some basic models such as those by Shannon (1948) and Laswell (1948) to show the relevance of other factors affecting communication. In particular, Foulgers (2004) Ecological Model of Communication emphasizes the relevance of context or communicators background to the communication outcome. Evidently, context plays an important part in the sample communication scenario. It affected the way I perceived Kangs initial message, my view of his plans, and the way I responded to him. Nevertheless, his context or perception of me as his friend may have also affected the way he addressed me. I was quite flattered to think that among all his friends, he chose to trust me more than anyone else.
With these thoughts in mind, I remembered the discussion we had about communication blocks. I realized that my attitude towards Kang and his behavior served as blockage to communication. This is considered internal noise as it interfered with my conversation with Kang. Reflecting on the way I thought and behaved that time, I could accuse myself of stereotyping, judging, and mind-reading. Nevertheless, I tried to overcome such thoughts, and concentrated on what Kang had to say. I kept in mind that good listening habits could somehow help me overcome prejudices I had that time.
The next steps I took that afternoon were remarkable. They helped me discover more about my friend and even myself. First, shocked at Kangs proposition, I clarified his intention by rephrasing his statement in a question that says, Did I hear you say you want to make up with Claire to which Kang nodded with a heavy sigh. From his gestures, I could tell he was somewhat serious but I needed more to clarify. First, he looked down at his cup as if shy to admit what he said, then looked at me straight in the eye smiled without his teeth showing. I could feel then that he was serious as he remained silent, probably not knowing how to explain himself. Then, with another serious look on his face, he explained how he felt about the breakup and the time he spent with other girls. I listened to him as innocently as I could, without calling to mind his past mistake.
Reflecting on Kangs behavior during the conversationhis gestures, eye contact, facial expression, and toneI felt the seriousness of his intention. He explained his side with a calm and serious tone, looked at me directly in the eye from time to time, and clasped his hands on his forehead while he waited for my response. His nonverbal communication agreed with his verbal message, thus convinced me of his sincerity. In this view, I realized the importance of nonverbal communication in understanding and relating with others.
Aside from nonverbal cues, silence also helped me to clarify my thoughts, Kangs feelings, and the actions we should take to solve the situation at hand. When Kang uttered his plan, I wanted to react right away and tell him, Stop I dont want to hear any more of that. I also wanted to say, Do you remember how you ended up with her, now you want to fool her again However, bearing in mind the importance of achieving understanding in communication, I tried to remain calm and kept silent for a while. The time lag thus allowed me to observe Kangs physical gestures. It also gave Kang the opportunity to clear his thoughts.
Instead of bombarding Kang with sermons, I listened to his reasons. Listening with an open mind helped me to feel his sincerity. It also made him feel that after all, his attempt to seek help from a friend was not in vain. For the first time, I saw Kang speaking seriously about his feelings for a girl, something he or most of my friends would not do. I realized that while prior experience and biases could affect our perception of other people, the willingness to listen and communicate between two persons is the most important aspect to give way to a transaction. The conversation between Kang and me that time at the caf was a transaction as we tried to create a meaningful connection with the way we communicated. As Narula (2006, p.19) explains, in transactional models, the concern is on the patterns of communication behavior between communicators and not the patterns information exchanged between the persons as reflected in a mere interaction. Realizing the difference between the two, I have noted that as guys do not usually open up with friends about their feelings, we usually just interact with friends, and fail to establish patterns of communication behavior that lead to a more meaningful relationship.
The courage Kang took to open up with me was enough to demonstrate how serious he was. In response, I asked Kang what exactly he wanted me to do. He requested me to ask the girl to go out with him, which I found too advance. Nevertheless, instead of telling him this, I asked him to reflect on how the girl felt before when he left her, and how she could be feeling right now. I also inquired whether the girl still says hi to him whenever they come across each other. Kang replied that she does not take notice of him, and pretends each time that she does not see him. In this view, I asked Kang, How do you think she will take the idea of going out with you again Kang was unable to reply immediately to this question, then said, Maybe youre right. She would be surprised and even take it against me. At last, Kang had the idea. The girls past experience would really play an important role in her future decisions.
I told Kang that to win the girls trust again, he might need to be friends with her first. Of course the decision still depended on him. I did not want to advise him directly on what to do because doing such would only result in a one-sided solution. Instead, I made him reflect on what he wanted to do, and offered a proposition he could accept or disregard. I told him that I would help him get a chance to communicate with the girl, so long as he promises to befriend her first and to never fool around again. Offering a proposition is a helpful way of addressing a problem. In Kincaids (1979) Convergence Model of Communication, the author emphasizes on the importance of achieving mutual agreement. Communication, according to this model, involves having common beliefs and understanding. In the sample situation, Kang and I achieved communication as we agreed to settle on the same measures, the same steps to solve the problem.
The negotiation process I had with Kang is similar to what is usually practiced. In Kozicki (2005), the author identifies each step of the negotiation process, starting from the Investigative Phase, moving on to the presentation phase, bargaining phase, and finally, the agreement phase. The investigative phase includes the time when I tried to clarify Kangs feelings. The presentation phase was when I asked him to weigh consequences of his first plan. The bargaining phase was when I finally offered him my idea to befriend his ex-girlfriend. Finally, the agreement phase occurred as Kang expressed his willingness to accept my proposition while I agreed to help him with his plan. Importantly, reaching a consensus required proper timing and going through the complete process not just insisting on what one believes is right. In contrast to the process I went through, Kangs proposal for me to help him get to communicate again with his ex-girlfriend was very abrupt. It surprised me, and if not for the learning I gained from the Communication class, I would have reacted offensively. Indeed, every communication procedure has process and elements that can make it successful.
Knowledge of communication processes and elements that contribute to effective communication helps a person to overcome difficulties in relating with others especially during communication scenarios. Although several factors such as biases, noise and poor listening habits are there to hinder communication, communicators will find it easy to achieve understanding if they will focus on what the other is saying, and avoid biases of any kind. Furthermore, timing and the goal to reach a consensus are also important to succeed in communicating ones thoughts and understanding other people.
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